My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
