Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
