You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
