I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
