I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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