in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
