If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
