Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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