Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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