I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
