no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
two words...techno handjob
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
