Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
