my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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