Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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