just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If that was your dad, he is hot
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
