69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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