Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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