You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
