made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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