So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
