Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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