Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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