Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
