Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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