eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
