i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
