im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
