Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
