was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
