Your dad touched me again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
