I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Enjoy the penises
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
