I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If that was your dad, he is hot
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
