Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
