I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
