oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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