I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
