i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
