Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
