While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
