Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
