He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
