At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
