so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
