we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
