I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
