I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
