Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Bring me that man meat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
