Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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