I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
