Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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