I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
