so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
