he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
