Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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