my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
