So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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