sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
