why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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