I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
