She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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