I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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