I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
