i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
