Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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