I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
