Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
