why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
