i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
