he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
